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usingtimewisely: usingtimewisely: My dog turns three in one hour. The joke is that I put a beer in his bowl because he’ll be turning 3 which is 21 in dog years. I have been planning this joke for a week.

usingtimewisely:

usingtimewisely:

My dog turns three in one hour.

The joke is that I put a beer in his bowl because he’ll be turning 3 which is 21 in dog years. I have been planning this joke for a week.

rneerkat:

“youre always on your computer” well ur always on my nerves

targayen:

do you ever stay in the shower for so long you forget who you are

keepcalm-andmarryron: ok but what happened in 2007

keepcalm-andmarryron:

ok but what happened in 2007

foxnewsofficial:

scuba-steve-damn-you:

foxnewsofficial:

SEND EVERYONE YOU KNOW A MORNING TEXT. WEAR A BOWTIE TODAY. HIGH FIVE STRANGERS. GIVE AWAY LOLLIPOPS. COMPLIMENT PEOPLE. STEAL A CHILD. 

i’ve already done one of those and now he won’t stop crying and it’s annoying

must have been an aggressive high five

cybersleepover:

seven days without a pun makes one weak

dailypicsme: A Hilarious Blog that you’ll love!

dailypicsme:

A Hilarious Blog that you’ll love!

nickelode0n:

baby, i don’t care about your stomach

or your legs

or how big your boobs are

i don’t care about you at all

leave me alone

hallloween: I can’t decide if someone stabbed someone else over a cheeseburger someone stabbed someone else with a cheeseburger someone stabbed a cheeseburger a cheeseburger stabbed someone a cheeseburger stabbed another cheeseburger

hallloween:

I can’t decide if

  • someone stabbed someone else over a cheeseburger
  • someone stabbed someone else with a cheeseburger
  • someone stabbed a cheeseburger
  • a cheeseburger stabbed someone
  • a cheeseburger stabbed another cheeseburger

magicconchshell:

is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep